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Wow to think half of this year has gone by! Have had so many great sporting events this year, the winter olympics, Wimbledon, World cup, Glastonbury and the tour de france (which passed through cambridge and London this year :D)

I can’t believe the winter olympics happened so long ago! I loved the British commentary from Ed Leigh and Tim Warwood from the extreme park. The presenters were hilarious; here are a few of my favourite comments by them:

“When you go to the zoo you don’t want to see the sleeping lions, you want to go see the penguins first, that’s were all the fun is”

“It’s like two doormen bearing down on a drunk patron”

“I can feel my pulse in my lower intestine”

“She’s got a face that could help bread rise”

The world cup was so crazy! So many shockers from Brazil losing 7-1 to Germany to Suarez biting a player for the third time! Even with all the controversy the games were very enjoyable and showed some great sportsmanship from some of the teams. I loved watching the underdogs do their best and I thought Australia did amazing considering they were the lowest rank.

I myself have done a lot this year hence why I have been slow to update a post. Actually the biggest thing which has taken the most time has been sorting out temporary withdrawal from my course at uni. Now with that all sorted I have the rest of the year to look to the future and focus on Ethereal Workshop.

I have a few posts prepared to update you all on the last 7 months were I will include things I’ve done, recipes I’ve perfected and my return to sewing. Also I’m going too Amsterdam in 2 months so am looking forward to that :3

Thank you to those who have followed my blog and I hope you will continue to stay with me along my journey!

 

A few months ago I was diagnosed with depression (which had already been going on for a quite a while). I have had depression before in my life once when I was younger, but it was never this extreme. While at university I distanced myself from everyone and stopped going to lectures.

I have come home for the summer holidays which I have to say has been a terrible experience. My home life is not an easy one (I’ve experienced things people shouldn’t have to) and being able to go to university to get away was great even if my depression took a turn for the worse.

While home my depression which I was starting to defeat got worse and worse. I started to distance myself even more from people and found myself very alone. I don’t belong in this house and can’t stand being here but at the same time being around people outside makes me anxious. I feel trapped. Everything feels so hopeless.

I received lots of text messages and calls from people but would never pick up or reply. I received worried messages from friends and messages from friends I hadn’t spoken to for over a year. The other day I finally decided to reply to one of the persistent texters. I told her things weren’t good. After that I received a voice-mail from another friend. In the voice-mail he said him and the girl were worried.

Today I have again received a lot of messages from a lot of different people. Today has been another terrible day but each time I received a text message it let me know someone is out there thinking of me. And for once I didn’t feel so alone.

It made me think back to university when one day I managed to go to a lecture and how people I had spoken to a little the semester before still remembered me and came to talk to me. It made me not feel so insignificant. I thought about all the times recently that someone brightened up my day without realizing,even if it was something small like a hello, and how supportive my friends have been even when I’ve pushed them away.

Then I remembered when I was little. In movies or tv shows every time the main character was in trouble a group of people would save them. The main character would always have such great friends that would always be there for them. They would go on a journey were they would meet a great group of people, learn something that they already knew and then return home with a new found confidence. As a child I always wanted to go on an adventure like that, to have an incredible group of friends like that and to learn something even if I already knew it.

Of course I learnt life doesn’t work like that and found the older I got the further and further away those fairytale dreams of mine became. I learnt to not rely on people and that noone in life will be there to take care of you. This world is harsh and I got sick of it. Why should I exist in such a cruel world. I’d rather be dead…at least I thought.

But, as I receive another text message I scroll through all the messages I’ve been sent and I realise I was wrong. I am on my own adventure, it’s not as easy as the ones In those movies I remember as a child, but this is life. I do have an amazing group of friends around me and I have learnt something. Like in those movies its something that has always been there, something I just never noticed. Something so so simple. As corny as it sounds it’s my friendships and bonds.

So here’s the end of my long babbling; whether you are suffering from depression or not, there really is someone out there thinking of you, you are not alone and you are a significant person to someone. I know these things are hard to see but it’s true. You just cant see it. So reach out. Sometimes you might get knocked down but maybe someone is reaching out towards you too. So reach out

And to people who have a friend in need, or maybe a friend they haven’t seen in a long time, or maybe someone you saw yesterday, why not drop them a text. You might just save someone’s life.

While procrastinating from my Japanese revision I came across these tasty photos from my last trip to Wag’s while flicking through my camera. If only learning Japanese was like a trip to wagamama’s; easy and tasty.

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ImageAnd here’s my favourite, the katsu curry:

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Yummy display

Yummy food display from my favourite place in Oxford Chateau Gateau

Sweet treats

Macarons and toffee from my favourite cafe in Oxford

I spent hours on my outfit and hair. I ran through questions in my head. I practiced my speech perfectly. This was one of the very rare opportunities that a job was available after the busy Christmas period and I was not willing to mess it up. Unfortunately life had other plans.

With less than 24 hours notice until the interview I did the best I could to prepare myself. I so badly wanted this job, not because it was a job which would give me good pay (although that’s a plus), but because I actually wanted the job for what it was.

I arrived at the store 15 minutes early and told the lady at the desk I was there for an interview. She was shocked and told me to wait at these seats. She must have thought I was an idiot because I couldn’t find the seats. I found them and was happy I had got the embarrassing part out the way (I always do something embarrassing in interviews). But that wasn’t the worst.

I sat for a while and the staff began to ask me question about the position and who was meant to interview me. I began to worry. One of the staff told me I must have the wrong store. I was horrified. I sat calmly and smiled but inside I was recovering from a serious slap of embarrassment  They told me were they thought the store was and I thanked them and tried to leave. However, being the good natured people they were, they all tried to help me and give me advice on how to get there but I just wanted to get out. I tried to leave with dignity but knew I could never go in there again.

I got the bus which only went halfway to the actual place and had to walk/run the rest. At this point my hair was a mess and my face was red from the cold (so much for a professional look).

Finally I made it to the store and found the first worker I could. He told me my interviewer was off that day but he’d see if he could find someone else. I was now half an hour late and worried about how the interview would go with only half the time. A lady came and said she couldn’t find my file and didn’t know if I actually was meant to have an interview. I was horrified. I sat waiting for another half hour until she finally came back and said she’d interview me anyway. The interview I thought went well considering although the lady didn’t know what to do with me as she didn’t know how well I’d done on my application.

Well a few days later I got a call, and guess what. I got the job!!! I was so happy and shocked which made the lady on the other end laugh. Later at my induction the lady who interviewed me told me that she’d heard I was pretty excited on the phone. I flushed red but it was true I was so excited.

So even with all that things still worked out, although I can never set foot inside that other store again. That’s an embarrassment wound that will not heal.

I will find things when they need to be found

I’ve spent so long searching for answers, but I only found them when I wasn’t looking. So I’m not going to look anymore. Instead I’ll wait until they are ready to be found.

It took falling of the rails and a song by the fray to make me realise this.

Recycle now because you can’t recycle the world later

A quote I saw on the side of a van that I thought I’d share with everyone.

For the last 6 months I had insomnia. It got to the point were I couldn’t fall asleep till 6am. I missed lots of uni not only from sleeping through but even when I managed to get up I felt ill and like a zombie. I felt nocturnal and lifeless.

I went to the doctor and tried lots of techniques but nothing worked which frustrated me. In the end I made my own technique which has slowly been working. I thought once it was over my life would be back to normal but the thing about putting your life back together is first you’ve got to find all the pieces, then you got to find how they all fit and finally stick them back all in place which is it’s own problem.

A conversation today made me realize how distant I had been. I have overcome a few obstacles but after today I realized there are a lot left which made me overwhelmed. I’m still lost. Still very very lost. But at least now there is a light in this foggy world of mine. Maybe I can now take steps forward.

To people with Insomnia, here are a few tips. These are things I’ve been doing:

  1. Do things gradually, the technique I used wouldn’t have worked if It hadn’t of been gradual.
  2. Try to keep yourself busy and get outside. Then when your back home give yourself time to relax. I did yoga in my spare time.
  3. Don’t take your problems to bed. What wasn’t managed today will not be sorted out by you worrying over it right then and there.
  4. Hot milk drinks like hot chocolate, ovaltine or horlicks are good to have at night.
  5. Read before bed; even better if it’s boring, it’ll help put you too sleep.
  6. Take things a step at a time, or if that’s too much than an inch. Don’t look at everything as a whole but in tiny chunks. I make a small list of things I want to achieve that day or even just one main thing I must do. If I achieve more than the list then that’s even more for me but as long as I do the list I’ve achieved enough for that day. Don’t put huge things on the list but instead put those huge things into steps and pick a step to complete that day.

When something is broken we don’t try to glue it all at once but instead we do it piece by piece.

Thank you,

Ethereal Workshop

After missing my coach *cough cough* on purpose *cough cough* I’ve ended up staying in Cambridge for a few more days. Me and my friend decided to visit one of our favourite places….Wagamama’s. We decided to be adventurous and try something different from our usual katsu curry. Last time I went I picked the teppanyaki dish teriyaki beef soba which tasted delicious but wasn’t cheap at all. This time we decided to go for the cheaper option of yaki soba with a side dish of sticky rice.

We had an interesting waitress who seemed to flirt with all the guys. Me and my friend noticed she seemed to save all her smiles and attention for him, while only giving me a serious look on the few times she payed me attention. But, to be honest I didn’t mind as she was overall a good waitress and her flirting wasn’t irritating enough to annoy me.

After enjoying our meal we then decided to look at the desert menu (something we have never done in wagamama’s before). We setled on the ice lollys which I thought would be a waste of money but infact I thought they were worth it. They were brought on a plate by the male waitor who warned us of their sweetness. Oh my goodness they were sweet! They were so delicious and pretty guilt free considering they had 0% on most things e.g. fat content.

Overall the meal only came up to over £13 (which is roughly the same as the teriyaki beef soba on it’s own) which was good for a main, side dish, two green teas, two waters and two ice lollys.

Overall I’d give it a 7/10 purely because the chicken in the dish was a bit rubbery and it wasn’t as flavoursome as the beef soba but it was great value for money.