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A few months ago I was diagnosed with depression (which had already been going on for a quite a while). I have had depression before in my life once when I was younger, but it was never this extreme. While at university I distanced myself from everyone and stopped going to lectures.

I have come home for the summer holidays which I have to say has been a terrible experience. My home life is not an easy one (I’ve experienced things people shouldn’t have to) and being able to go to university to get away was great even if my depression took a turn for the worse.

While home my depression which I was starting to defeat got worse and worse. I started to distance myself even more from people and found myself very alone. I don’t belong in this house and can’t stand being here but at the same time being around people outside makes me anxious. I feel trapped. Everything feels so hopeless.

I received lots of text messages and calls from people but would never pick up or reply. I received worried messages from friends and messages from friends I hadn’t spoken to for over a year. The other day I finally decided to reply to one of the persistent texters. I told her things weren’t good. After that I received a voice-mail from another friend. In the voice-mail he said him and the girl were worried.

Today I have again received a lot of messages from a lot of different people. Today has been another terrible day but each time I received a text message it let me know someone is out there thinking of me. And for once I didn’t feel so alone.

It made me think back to university when one day I managed to go to a lecture and how people I had spoken to a little the semester before still remembered me and came to talk to me. It made me not feel so insignificant. I thought about all the times recently that someone brightened up my day without realizing,even if it was something small like a hello, and how supportive my friends have been even when I’ve pushed them away.

Then I remembered when I was little. In movies or tv shows every time the main character was in trouble a group of people would save them. The main character would always have such great friends that would always be there for them. They would go on a journey were they would meet a great group of people, learn something that they already knew and then return home with a new found confidence. As a child I always wanted to go on an adventure like that, to have an incredible group of friends like that and to learn something even if I already knew it.

Of course I learnt life doesn’t work like that and found the older I got the further and further away those fairytale dreams of mine became. I learnt to not rely on people and that noone in life will be there to take care of you. This world is harsh and I got sick of it. Why should I exist in such a cruel world. I’d rather be dead…at least I thought.

But, as I receive another text message I scroll through all the messages I’ve been sent and I realise I was wrong. I am on my own adventure, it’s not as easy as the ones In those movies I remember as a child, but this is life. I do have an amazing group of friends around me and I have learnt something. Like in those movies its something that has always been there, something I just never noticed. Something so so simple. As corny as it sounds it’s my friendships and bonds.

So here’s the end of my long babbling; whether you are suffering from depression or not, there really is someone out there thinking of you, you are not alone and you are a significant person to someone. I know these things are hard to see but it’s true. You just cant see it. So reach out. Sometimes you might get knocked down but maybe someone is reaching out towards you too. So reach out

And to people who have a friend in need, or maybe a friend they haven’t seen in a long time, or maybe someone you saw yesterday, why not drop them a text. You might just save someone’s life.


I will find things when they need to be found

I’ve spent so long searching for answers, but I only found them when I wasn’t looking. So I’m not going to look anymore. Instead I’ll wait until they are ready to be found.

It took falling of the rails and a song by the fray to make me realise this.

For the last 6 months I had insomnia. It got to the point were I couldn’t fall asleep till 6am. I missed lots of uni not only from sleeping through but even when I managed to get up I felt ill and like a zombie. I felt nocturnal and lifeless.

I went to the doctor and tried lots of techniques but nothing worked which frustrated me. In the end I made my own technique which has slowly been working. I thought once it was over my life would be back to normal but the thing about putting your life back together is first you’ve got to find all the pieces, then you got to find how they all fit and finally stick them back all in place which is it’s own problem.

A conversation today made me realize how distant I had been. I have overcome a few obstacles but after today I realized there are a lot left which made me overwhelmed. I’m still lost. Still very very lost. But at least now there is a light in this foggy world of mine. Maybe I can now take steps forward.

To people with Insomnia, here are a few tips. These are things I’ve been doing:

  1. Do things gradually, the technique I used wouldn’t have worked if It hadn’t of been gradual.
  2. Try to keep yourself busy and get outside. Then when your back home give yourself time to relax. I did yoga in my spare time.
  3. Don’t take your problems to bed. What wasn’t managed today will not be sorted out by you worrying over it right then and there.
  4. Hot milk drinks like hot chocolate, ovaltine or horlicks are good to have at night.
  5. Read before bed; even better if it’s boring, it’ll help put you too sleep.
  6. Take things a step at a time, or if that’s too much than an inch. Don’t look at everything as a whole but in tiny chunks. I make a small list of things I want to achieve that day or even just one main thing I must do. If I achieve more than the list then that’s even more for me but as long as I do the list I’ve achieved enough for that day. Don’t put huge things on the list but instead put those huge things into steps and pick a step to complete that day.

When something is broken we don’t try to glue it all at once but instead we do it piece by piece.

Thank you,

Ethereal Workshop


Well here it is finally, my first blog 😀 although I have to say the last hour I spent making it was not easy. Who knew making a blog would be so difficult “wipes sweat from brow” but here it is, late (considering my new years resolution was to have it up by the 1/1/2013) but a month late is better than not at all.

I’ll start my blog by saying a little about myself. I’m a student in my first year at university doing a course that makes people say wow, yet in all honesty doesn’t have many job prospects. With a few knock downs, highs and life changing events I’ve been asking myself what I really want to do with my life. It’s a question I haven’t answered yet, but has opened my mind up to some of the things I really love doing but was to scared to pursue. In the next year (and beyond) I hope that I can overcome these fears and at the end be able to say that it was a truly great year.

Thank you for reading!